Have you been with the man you love for a long time, but he has yet to pop the question? Are you thinking about giving him an ultimatum? If so, you better read this now before he leaves you for the hot blonde you work with. Despite the fact I work primarily with men and dating issues related to men, I’ve encountered this question from women often – normally whenever I tell a female what I do for a living. I could never articulate the answer very well, so I decided to interview a couple of female dating coaches. These women are all intelligent and accomplished dating coaches who specialize in helping women naturally convince (with NO actual convincing) their boyfriends to commit and pop the question. This article will focus on the number one mistake that results in couples breaking up over marriage, and tips on how to ease your man in the right direction in a short amount of time. It’s not what you are thinking! Also, pay special attention to mistake number 5!
Mistake 1: Stop being so nice. Women often think that cooking, playing house wife, and being overly sweet will result in reciprocal behavior. Actually, men want to marry a woman that is strong, will be able to handle the tough times, kids, and all the downturns that come with life. A recent study showed that the vast majority of men feel that confident women are in “short supply.” Do not be scared to show him you have your own life and you radiate confidence. Take it from a man who has dated countless women, nothing urges me to commit monogamously like a woman that has dignity and pride in herself – rather I’m in the picture or not. Go out with your friends, pursue your career, and spend time with your family. He doesn’t have to be invited to every girl’s night out. Let him see you can hold your own in this world – with or WITHOUT him. In-fact, nothing lights a fire under his ass like knowing you do not need him.
Mistake 2: Stop bringing it up. If you mentioned marriage once, then he heard you loud and clear and it is engraved in his frontal cortex. If you continue to bring it up, it will only add unnecessary pressure on the relationship. This also includes making sure your friends and family does not mention it around him. If you guys have been dating for a long time, it is commonplace for sisters and mothers to ask, “so, when are you two tying the knot?” Make sure your family and friends know not to bring the subject up around him. He knows that if they mention it, it is only because YOU mentioned it to them.
Mistake 3: Is there a recurring argument that pops up cyclically? Perhaps financial issues, living arrangements, sexual performance, etc., are common examples. These issues have the potential to turn into a vicious cycle. It comes up maybe every week, maybe every year. Arguing about the same thing multiple times implants in his brain that a life with you wills continuous arguing. Maybe this is the only reason he hasn’t popped the question. Show him you are mature enough to let something go and to NEVER bring it up again. So what he flirted with your co-worker at the Christmas party 2 years ago – DROP IT or drop him!
Mistake 4: Let him know he is not responsible for your happiness – even if he is. Many psychologists have written papers about this very fact. If a man feels he is responsible for your happiness, he will feel pressure. Pressure equals a breakup if you have not noticed by now. Men tend to feel at ease when he doesn’t have to be fully responsible for someone else’s happiness. When a man sees you are happy with him but you can be just as happy having nothing to do with him, that’s when he won’t want to leave your side. Next time he cancels last minute plans to watch a chic flick with you, laugh and say “OK.” Then call a girlfriend and go out with her. When you get home later that night, initiate sex and “blow” his mind. He will love you for not getting mad over a silly movie. Plus, he will respect that you are grown enough to be responsible for your own happiness.
Mistake 5: Should you use an ultimatum? Using an ultimatum to get that sought after wedding ring is like committing relationship suicide. If you feel the need to present your boyfriend with an ultimatum concerning your relationship, it MUST be authentic! Even if authentic, marriage is not necessarily going to be the result. When it comes to women who so badly want to be engaged to their boyfriend, ultimatums are a commonplace. The waiting game drives desperation and desperation can lead to threats! Yes, ultimatum is just a fancy word for “threat”. Women who throw marriage ultimatums at their boyfriends obviously do not realize that this kind of pressure and “all or nothing” attitude commonly results in the demise of the relationship. Regardless, women want to know if an ultimatum is ever acceptable. According to those dating coaches I interviewed, it is only applicable when you are ready to deal with the truth and act on the response! If you give your boyfriend a “now or never” lecture, you best be prepared to pack your bags and leave if he comes back with a “never” response. Staying in a relationship after he says “never” will only result in your losing all credibility and leverage in the relationship. Bottom Line: Only give an ultimatum if you’re ready to hear the truth and are willing to act on it, whatever the response may be.
Start implementing these tips right away. You must do these before you can move on to the second part – which is offensively convincing him (without actually convincing him or talking directly about the subject with him) to believe in his subconscious mind that you are the one and that he can not live without you by his side!