If you think about it, there is nothing more romantic stopping to deal with problems as you encounter them. (Ok, unless you’re in public!) Not letting problems simmer until they explode makes dealing with issues a small, matter of fact thing. Taking the tension out of dealing with the problems that every couple will encounter.
What’s the easiest way to deal with some of this head on? How to work it so that it doesn’t interrupt the relationship, but just changes the rhythm for a while?
Commit, in your wedding ceremony, in your wedding vows and in your lives together,
- To resolve problems amicably and creatively. (And when it isn’t that way, you need to
- To be honest with ourselves and our partners. (Caveat: avoid gratuitous honesty – why actually you DO look heavy in that or foolish with your comb-over.
- To speak respectfully to one another. (Fighting fairly is an art.)
- To be curious about the differences rather than defensive. (Your differences are what attracts you, this is just more of the same, except they step on our insecurity corns.)
- To be constant in love even when one or both of you are acting in a not-so-loveable fashion. (Forever after, folks)
- To understand that problems scare us, but that history shows us that we weather them. (When we love one another, we get through things.
- To create a template that allows you to work things through. (and to have a plan b to go to when it doesn’t. Shrinks are like car mechanics, go ahead, take your relationship in for a tune-up)
- To admit when mistaken and apologize when hurtful. (But no apologizing just to get things over with. You have to make meaningful apologies and understand the faux pas!)
- To be forgiving. (Forgiveness is what leads to those fun making-up periods. And understand that it make take a bit of room to relax into forgiveness.)
- To keep your disputes about your relationship in your relationship. (Unless of course, you are being threatened by the disputes. Then you need to leave and seek shelter.)
Relationships are a lot like school. If you do your homework as things go along, you don’t wind up with a back-log and you’re ready when the big tests arrive. And there will be tests. The nature of life is that things happen. But if you’re dealing with the problems as they come along, you’re prepared to deal with the big issues when they hit. Make problem resolution a part of your wedding vows. Keep those promises and you’ll have a wonderful marriage.