Possibly the most intimate non-sexual action between two people is the kiss but, as with so many other things, a kiss is not a simple act. One kiss, one style of kissing is not the same as another; there is considerably more behind a kiss than just an expression of love. In some countries the kiss is an accepted form of greeting, regardless of gender, with two people kissing one another on the cheek having the same meaning as shaking hands. In many societies today it is also acceptable to kiss close friends direct on the lips as a greeting, without there being any more intimate or loving relationship, although this is mainly restricted to younger women.
The type of kiss between two people can have various meanings: a sign of friendship; a simple greeting; a sign of love or more. A kiss on the forehead, a kiss on the cheek, the kissing of a person’s hand, a kiss on the lips, each one depends on the level of friendship, the relationship between the two parties, what the person giving wishes to convey. The style of kiss also depends on the type of meeting, whether it is formal or friendly and, to a great extent, what is acceptable in a particular society or country.
Building up a relationship between two people is no easy matter, regardless of gender. Building up a lesbian relationship, however, is the same as for heterosexual couples, the only difference being that both are the same gender. In both cases mutual interests play a role, as does mutual attraction, love and, to a certain extent, sexual attraction. As with all other relationships, trust and understanding, an ability to talk and to listen, understanding for the other person and the ability to compromise play their parts too.
One of the easiest means two people can express their love for one another, aside from the use of words, is through kissing. A loving kiss shared is something very special indeed, but also something which needs to be learned, which needs a certain amount of practice and which, at the very start of a relationship, can cause problems. Unsure of where a relationship is going, or if one is even beginning, it is difficult to judge exactly how to kiss another woman. A great deal depends on the situation, on the surroundings, on the level of friendship – or passion – which has already been built up between the pair. It also depends on whether both parties, both women, are aware that there is an interest on the part of their kisser and how deep this interest goes, whether the person kissing already knows for certain that the woman they are kissing is a lesbian too. There are still, in many societies and in many smaller communities, no matter how free a society may claim to be, personal restrictions which prevent a clear showing of sexual leanings.
A kiss is not just a kiss. The touching of lips is a small part of the whole, not even the beginning of a kiss and, hopefully, also not the end. A kiss begins with the mind; the decision that you wish to kiss someone, that you attracted to them enough to show one of the most intimate signs of attraction. It begins with communication, not necessarily through words but words are also a very good means of communicating a desire to kiss, depending on the situation. Body language, especially the eyes and the way a person touches another, also plays a major role. Standing close to them and looking into their eyes, reading what their body language tells you, is not easy but, with the right person, there is a silent level of communication, of mutual understanding possible.
One of the most important things to remember when kissing someone for the first time is not to go overboard, not to force the other person into a situation they are perhaps not prepared for. A light kiss directly on the lips is probably the best way to begin, followed by careful observation of how your partner reacts. For some a kiss on the lips can come as a shock, not necessarily a bad one, but a pleasant surprise. It can also lead to the return of a kiss, which is what is clearly hoped for. Once it is clear that the kiss has been accepted, that it is desired, kissing can literally take its own course. Lesbians, just the same as anyone else, allow their emotions to control their reactions when it comes to the more pleasurable, intimate things in life.
Still, there is much more to a kiss than just a peck on the lips and the reading of body language. A woman’s lips are very sensitive, for many even an erogenous zone, which, coupled with other parts of the body, can bring on more than just platonic reactions. Other parts of the body can enhance the effects of a kiss when touched or stroked, such as a person’s neck, their arms, their hands. In public, bearing in mind the mores of a civilized society, the caressing of a woman’s breasts would not necessarily be acceptable but, in private it is a different matter, once the level of kissing has gone beyond the initial stage. More intimate actions, such as intimate touching, should be saved for later; it is best not to grab and feel right from the start of a relationship as this can quickly create the wrong impression.
There are many different forms of kissing: a kiss directly on the lips, quick and light; a direct kiss on the lips with more pressure and duration; a kiss with use of the tongue around the lips; a kiss with the tongue inside your partners mouth; gentle biting of the lips; kissing other parts of the body such as her cheeks, neck, ears and so on. Kissing can also involve intense use of the tongue, both inside and outside of the mouth, light biting and sucking although, at the beginning of a relationship, it is best to be careful and not dive into an advanced love-making session immediately.
Kissing is also an act which requires time. A quick kiss on the cheek, the lips or the forehead will usually be interpreted as a mere greeting and nothing more than that, especially if, having kissed, you move back too far immediately. Something more intense, an act of love, should be handled slowly and with care, concentrating your complete attention on the person being kissed as if there is nothing more important for you in the world, as if you have all the time available just for them. The lightest first kiss on the lips should be followed up by not moving away, by inviting the woman you have kissed to kiss you back, by looking into her eyes, judging her reaction and, when you are sure, kissing her again with slightly more intensity, longer duration. Once you have overcome the first hurdle, perhaps overcome your own uncertainty or shyness and kissed for the first time, events will take their natural course.