Although it is rare, there are situations where a guy can be going out with a girl, and yet still be unaware of some important facts about her. Like whether she has children, a shady past, all kinds of big issues. And this includes your girlfriend “forgetting” to tell you she has a husband waiting at home for her.
If you suddenly discover your girlfriend is already married, then you must act decisively.
The first thing you need to ask yourself is this: are you prepared to keep seeing a girl who has been keeping something as important as a marriage to another man a secret? There are not too many secrets she could keep from you that would ever top that one for significance.
Some guys may be looking for an answer that will let them keep the girlfriend. Maybe you are so infatuated with her, that the thought of her returning to her husband after spending time with you – maybe a very intimate time – is not enough to put you off. You think she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and even that wedding ring that suddenly appears from nowhere is not a strong enough symbol to make you want to leave her.
Well, that answer is the wrong one. There is only one thing to do when you realize that, yes, my girlfriend is already married, and that is to end the relationship immediately. It may sound tough, but there is no other way. To continue seeing her after she has lied to you on such a grand scale would be to admit that you are happy to continue a relationship with a deceitful woman.
But let’s imagine she is actually in love with you, and she is able to convince you that there is a legitimate reason for her not to tell you that she had a husband (it’s hard to imagine what such a legitimate excuse would be, but let’s play a hypothetical game). Moreover, you are so in love with her that you feel you cannot go on without her by your side. Then you can put into action the following plan.
Give her a timeframe with a strict deadline for ending her relationship with her husband. You will need to see physical proof that this has happened, for example, she moves out of the marital home (or the husband does). There is no need to wait for the legal formality of a divorce, but she must at least make the move to separate. After that, then you may resume your relationship, as technically she will not be married, but separated, and you will not be party to an affair.
It is okay to maintain contact with her, but you must make it clear that a resumption of your relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend can only happen once she has ended her marriage. If she is reluctant to break it off with her husband, then you know she wants to have her cake and eat it. Maybe to her you are just a distraction from a boring home life, but she is too comfortable there to make the break from her legally wedded husband. If this is the case, then you should end the relationship immediately, and not hold onto any false hope that she will leave him. If she starts giving you reasons why she cannot break up with him, then you know there is definitely zero chance of you and her building your own relationship.